Come, meet a man that told me all I ever did

****Update**** (11:23 AM)

I am working for Aide La Vie Nutrition, which is an organization that a church family has established. According to their website, “Aide La Vie (French for “Aiding Life”) is an established charity in Atlanta, Georgia (USA). Our mission is to replicate a successful model to treat child malnutrition in the West African country of Benin. We are currently raising funds and building a team to make a permanent move to Benin to achieve this mission.”

Praise God for sudden answered prayer!

——

I have finished six semesters at Covenant. I am moving into my final year.

Time flies.

I think this semester has probably been my favorite. Yet, just like past semesters, it has been incredibly stretching and challenging.

Friends, the enemy is real. he seeks to cheat, steal, and destroy. he seeks to take away the ones who Jesus calls Beloved. he wants to tear us apart into pieces until we are no more.

I thought I understood the slyness of the enemy. I mean, I had listened to countless sermons about spiritual warfare. I’ve read blog posts about spiritual darkness. I’ve struggled with feelings of worthlessness that seemed to never fade.

Yet, through a few events this semester, I was stripped apart and everything came crashing down. There was one night during spring break where I had written a blog post where I reminded myself the goodness of God, and the subsequent hours were some of the worst of my life. I had sat down to work on the assignments for the weekend, but shortly after I felt something firm pressing down on my stomach. It was unbearable. It seemed like a heart attack, especially because heart attacks run in my family (my father is still recovering from one he got a year and a half ago). I was terrified, yet I didn’t know if it was a heart attack and I didn’t want to unnecessarily call 911. I laid in my housemate’s bed for an hour, checking WebMD. Eventually, I decided not to do homework that night and head to bed.

I didn’t sleep that night.

I tossed and turned. I sang worship songs. Eventually, something stopped pressing on my stomach around 1am but I was still terrified. I sensed a dark presence in the room, and realized that this was not a panic nor a heart attack. It was a spiritual attack. I began rebuking the dark presence, telling it to leave the room and the apartment. I felt the room become more peaceful, but I still couldn’t sleep. There was a point in the night where I tried to sleep in the living room. That didn’t work. Then I drove to campus and tried to sleep in my car. That didn’t work. I resorted back to my apartment and eventually fell asleep at 7:30 am. I had to wake up at 8 am because I was serving at church that morning.

The day that followed was crazy. During the car ride to church, a friend told us that she had a “bad dream” that night, where Satan was attacking her. Then later that day I learned another girl has been having spiritual attacks for months now.

Maybe I’ll continue this in another post, but guys – the enemy is real. Yet, there is so much power in the name of Jesus. If we trust in Jesus to take care of us, nothing can ever pluck us from His hand. And one day everyone and every power will submit to Jesus. Wow.

I came out of this experience in early March ever so more convinced that God is for me. That’s probably not what the devil intended, oops.

Where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom. I cling to that.

It’s amazing, really, because I think I am slowly learning how to walk in freedom as a daughter of God, and not in perpetual hiding as a slave. Ultimately, I want others to see how good God is through my life – not my own glory. But I think I’m also getting better at receiving compliments and affirmation, instead of hiding away or displaying false humility.

I’m gonna stop before I make myself any more uncomfortable.

Come, meet a man that told me all I ever did. I’m pretty messed up. I’m really messed up. But when the man saw me, he didn’t see me as trash and in a second forgot about me. He told me all I ever did, but he did it ever so gently that I found myself compelled to love a man who spoke with such kindness. Such love. As he kept peeling back my layers that I was almost naked, somehow I didn’t feel naked. I found a new identity.

He keeps lavishing his love upon me, and leading me into green pastures. I have been so blessed in the past few months.

And this summer I’m stepping into new territory, doing a Summer Discipleship Project. I hope to update everyone through this blog this summer. It’s going to be an intense summer – I’m working a part-time job/internship, hopefully with the city of Monroe, GA – I’m hanging out with a church called Grace Monroe – I’m hanging out and investing in the city of Monroe – I’m getting discipled and fed through different teachers, and apparently we’re going through different books starting with Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. It’s going to be so intense, wow.

But God, God, God. You know this summer is just what I need. You know that it is perfect for me. You will take care of my family for me. You gave Dorrit and I an apartment for cheap rent next year. You found some random guy to live in that apartment this summer so we don’t have to pay rent, and You told me to trust You that the guy is actually decent. You gave us a couch and an armchair. And You know how much money will be in my bank account at the end of the summer. I’m trusting You.

Oh yeah, money.

So hopefully I’ll be working 20-30 hours/week. During the interview, I was told that they’re asking employers to pay us $9/hour, and the discipleship project is about 10 weeks. So hopefully that’s $2700. But the project costs $1000 (food, gas, housing, materials), and I have to pay a lot of money in car repairs. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for my car. I already spent so much money within the past week fixing it. Ugh. Anyways, this is why I’ve swallowed my pride about fundraising and grudgingly made yet another GoFundMe. But this is probably the only way, aside from a few emails, that I’m advertising it. I’d love if you supported me. I’d cry if you will be faithful in praying for me this summer. And the GoFundMe has more information about the summer, too.

Grace and peace.

Pray for me.

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